My time spent in California was both relaxing and enlightening. I spent much of my time alone, since my friends and family were at work, and I had the opportunity to reflect on all that has happened in the last year. There are times, I must admit, that I feel guilty for leaving. My family ties are so strong that I often feel incomplete knowing that my family is so far away from me. Being in New York City is not what anyone had ever intended for me. I went to college to become a Human Resources specialist, not a performer on Broadway. Sometimes I feel selfish for going after what I want most in this world, in this life. Part of being an adult means making sacrifices, and I am being childish by refusing to honor those obligations.
Then I got to thinking: maybe that is my sacrifice. Leaving everything I knew, everything that ever made me feel comfortable, behind. Turning myself inside out and putting everything I have on the line. Opening myself up to criticism and judgement, all for the hope of just a little bit of recognition in the world. Because doing this for myself means being an inspiration for someone else who wants to take a life-changing leap. It's silly to think that anybody back home holds this adventure against me. Being here means being me, wholly, happily, and unapologetically. I'm starting to see that now. I take criticism with a grain of salt; everyone's entitled to their opinions. I no longer seek out to please everyone I encounter; it's a big enough job to please myself. I am proud of my work and where I've come, even if the steps I take are smaller than my peers. Relatively speaking, I've come a long, long way.
Returning to New York after my time spent away, I felt like I had slipped back in unnoticed. The currents of the Hudson and East Rivers, the pulsating current of Manhattan itself, engulfed me swiftly, easily, as if I had never left the water to begin with. It was a good feeling, knowing this place has become welcoming, without ceremony, and simple to understand. Home-home, California-Home, felt that way once. So then, I guess this is a big moment in my life.
Hello New York City. I'm home.
