the happiest place on earth

Life was getting difficult to manage. So I took a break, called up my friends, hopped in a car, and went to Disneyland for the weekend.


Friday, October 26: Left Sacramento at 5:30 am. Arrived in Alameda at 7:00 am. Left for Glendale at 7:45 am. Arrived in SoCal at 1:00 pm. Continued to Irvine at 2:45 pm. Arrived in Irvine at 5:00 pm. Traveled north to Anaheim at 7:30 pm. Checked into our hotel at 8:00 pm. And this was the first thing I did when we got there.

SoCal = In-N-Out, plain and simple.

Excited for Disneyland!


Free tortillas at the Mission Tortilla Factory in California Adventure.

I'm not that great at shooting games.

Hollywood Backlot. Note the costume change, due to an unexpected snag in my shirt.

We livin' a thug's life.

Splash Mountain, my favorite ride at Disneyland.

At this point, we've been at the parks for nearly 12 hours. We're tired, but happy.

Cinderella memories.

We're All in This Together!

We love roller coasters!

Soaked, cold, exhausted, and all around awesome.


what now?

Summer has come and gone, and I have, regretfully, returned to my "real life." It's not so bad really, but when faced with the prospect of not performing for the next nine months (with the exception of a brief stint with ACLO's fall fundraiser show), I can't help but cling desperately to memories of long summer nights, stage lights, and the sound of applause.

As the ACLO 2007 season came to a close, I started to wonder what life would have in store for me next. Previously, I had been so determined to leave California in a year's time, with the intent of going to grad school and pursuing a masters degree in public health. But now, I really don't know. The last few weeks have changed me. In an email to a good friend of mine, I addressed these fears and uncertainties:

So I had a long chat with [my roommate] last night about grad school, and I think I might not be applying anymore. Like you know, I've been having a lot of anxiety and reservations about it, and we were able to narrow down exactly why during our talk. If I go to grad school, it should be with the intent to pursue executive positions in a specific concentration of a particular field, and I'm really not ready to do that right now. I do enjoy public health, but I realized that the capacity in which I am working in the field is so unique, and I don't know if it's the theatre aspect about my job that I love or if it's the public health aspect that really grabs me. Knowing myself, it's probably the pull of the arts. And what would happen if I found out during the middle of grad school that I actually hate public health? I need more experience before I decide to put all my eggs in that basket, whether it be experience in other parts of public health or work experience in general to help me determine what I really want to do. Also, I looked at some student population demographics for both Columbia and NYU, and the average student age is 27. 27! I'm so young! I should still be exploring and searching for myself, not cooped up in school. I'll go back once I've tried a lot of things and once I've gained the wisdom of knowing what I'm really meant to do.

I feel like I need to stop being afraid and just trust my instincts (woah, hi, Elphaba). I mean, my whole life, I've loved to perform and I've always dreamed of being a performer, so why don't I just suck it up and do it? I've got a base talent, and I know that I'm a hard worker. I'm thinking that in addition to taking voice lessons and dance classes, I want to take an acting class, either at Berkeley Rep or A.C.T., and I'd like to attend the musical theatre summer conservatory at AMTSJ next year, which my sister did this summer and loved. But I guess that will depend on my job situation. I think I'm gonna keep auditioning for Disney on the side because really, it wouldn't hurt, and I could use the occasional getaway to SoCal (or New York, yay). And next year, I think I will most likely audition to be a performer at Kaiser. Of course, that kind of puts a damper on my plans to leave California, but if it means pursuing performing, then that's what I have to do. I'll go wherever I can find a job. I don't know how to tell my parents about this, but I figured that I'm so independent at this point that if they get upset with me, honestly, there's nothing they can do about it. I mean, the worse thing [that could happen] is that they stop talking to me and tell everyone I'm a disgrace - but hey, that already happened when I was in college and didn't get into the business school. Truth is, I've never truly failed at anything; I've always managed to get by and do better than average, at the very least. So if I try this and fail, okay, that's a lesson I needed to learn, especially while I'm still young enough to do it.

Why, then, is it so hard to take that next step?


I wish my dreams didn't sound so stupid.