facing forward

After a week long series of auditions, I have been cast as an ensemble member for Alameda Civic Light Opera's production of Aida. Initially, I thought I would have been more disappointed in the fact that I wasn't given an actual role. But come to think of it, having to talk and sing and drive a production to its finale is quite intimidating for a first-time musical performer like myself, especially since I've never ever acted onstage before. I'll stick to the sidelines and dance the story away. Yeah, they think I can dance! The routine I learned during the call back audition this past Saturday was ridiculously fun, and I'm glad to get the chance to do more of it. I think I'll take lessons over the summer to help develop my technique since I have, essentially, none at all. It'll be good times in the neighborhood.


The butterflies are back, fluttering in full force and just in time for spring. I'm all sorts of happy.


Living in Berkeley for the past week really tugged at my heartstrings. I love being so close to the Bay. Being at home made me realize that my life is elsewhere, far away from this suburban nightmare. I'm tired of driving 45 miles home to sleep for a few hours and wake up in the morning just to drive 45 miles away once again. Can I just be done with this?


I only have five more AiR rehearsals ever. And though this concert prep is really starting to make me want to tear my hair out, I have to remember to keep my cool. I want to enjoy my last moments, not run past them in a frenzy, which I so often tend to do. I really ought to take more pictures too. This will be over before I know it.

AiR Spring Show, next weekend. Come watch as I close out three incredible years.


onward, westward

My life is changing very quickly.


I spent the last two days apartment hunting with Ratha McRatha. As exciting as it will be to finally be on my own for real, I'm getting a little nervous. Am I ready to be a grown up? I'm responsible enough, for sure, but I think my self-confidence and emotional being need a little bit of a boost.

Until I find my own place in the city of K-Land, I'll be crashing at Miguel's. For the next week, come find me in Berkeley and we can play. And if, when we do actually meet up, I seem a little more round in the face, you can attribute it to the flourless brownies from Chez Panisse that Miguel loves to feed me.

God, living with him for the next seven days will surely help me to reclaim my status as Fatty #2, second only to Rafi.


Starting tomorrow, I will hit the ground running. This coming week, I have six AiR gigs, two rehearsals that will mark the beginning of our concert cramming efforts, and five show auditions. Gah, and AiR preliminaries begin this week. I have no idea how I am going to survive. Hugs will certainly be welcomed and appreciated.


I think I may have finally found a name for my Rav4. We'll have to hold the christening ceremony soon.


Random thought for the weekend: Text messages - delightful distraction or unwiedly danger? We'll see where the next couple of days take us.


up to date

So much has happened in the last couple of weeks. I always try to avoid blogging about just the ordinary goings-on, but I suppose that in a few months' time, many of these events will prove to be highly significant. Thus, this is intended to be a historical record of my daily life rather than a simple list of things said and done.


March ended in a juxtaposition of low-hanging rain clouds and high-soaring spirits. I fell in love with my Rav4 even more, and a late-night rendezvous reminded me how freakin' cool the Hat Game is.

Is that my counterpart calling?


We've had many talks about relationships. The thriving, the unfullfilling, and the confusing. Relationships are complicated because people are complicated. And as much as we say we want to avoid the heartache, we fear the day we will be without it because we know that in the end, it always feels better knowing you were loved.

Was I ever loved? Have I ever loved? I think I'm too young to know.


When I am under the influence of alcohol, bad ideas seem only mildly offensive and mildly offensive ideas begin to entertain me. Conversely, really really good ideas beyond my own sense of reason seem rational. The result: I act simultaneously stupid and courageous and manage to both embarrass and exalt myself. I hope someday I can find a happy medium.

But I guess that's what you'd call being sober.


12 AiR members on an adrenaline rush singing Freedom is crazy. 12 AiR members plus 20 AiR alumni on an adrenaline rush singing Freedom is sheer madness. And a lot of noise.

I can't wait to be an alumni at the Alumni Mixer.


Summary of my most embarrassing moment to date...
Brian, on the phone with a drunk and 21-year-old Maegan: "What? No, he isn't here..."
Gina, frantically: "Brian, give me the phone."
Brian: "Wait, I'm still talking to Maegan... WHAT???"
Gina, even more frantically: "Brian!"
Brian, laughing to Maegan: "If Gina could blush right now, I bet she would."

I've never blushed so much in my life.


Thursday night's rehearsal was the last time I would ever witness solo auditions for AiR. I consciously made the decision beforehand not to audition for anything and sit and watch my fellow group members perform. As they went up to the front of the room one by one, I could feel my heart swell as I saw how much everyone had grown. And I realized how much something like this can change you. Not just the way you sing or the way you carry yourself on stage, but also how you relate to others and learn to appreciate the unique characteristics people bring and contribute to something you care so much about.

I'm really going to miss this when it's all over.