8.30.2008

playing fetch

Nikki is out in California for the weekend, so I'm dogsitting Bosco while she's away. Our daily routine consists of a game of fetch in Central Park in the mornings, a walk around Harlem Meer in the afternoons, and a bathroom break before bedtime. As much as Bosco needs his daily dose of fresh air, I'm finding that I'm benefiting from our time spent together too.

I've been feeling really burnt out lately with all the time I spend at school and work. And with that have come a whole lot of negative thoughts. Things like, "I'm not improving fast enough," or "I'm not talented enough." I knew I would have moments like this, but I told myself I would push through it because in reality, time will fly faster than I want it to, and I owe it to myself to stick this thing out. This morning, as I was playing fetch with Bosco, I imagined that every time I threw the ball away, I was casting out a negative thought. And every time he brought the ball back, he was bringing me a positive thought in its place. Amazingly enough, this little mind game worked. And as we headed back home, my heart felt a thousand times lighter.

Sometimes, all you've gotta do is throw it all away.

...

I pulled a Ratha today. I was shopping at Target for my essentials, and I saw a box of hair dye for a reasonable price and in a bold color. I tossed it in my basket, and three hours later, my hair is burgundy.

...

I turn 24 in about a week and a half. Seriously, where does time go?

1 comment:

Kris said...

I totally understand your concerns about not improving fast enough, not really getting it, not feeling like you truly belong there. I've gone through this over the past two years here at grad school. There have been some times where I honestly felt like dropping out, or settling for a masters. I have to say, stick with it. Talk about your concerns and feelings with an advisor or the professors, and be honest, but remember that you're there for a reason and no one but yourself can keep you from it.

I've talked with my advisor about the feelings I had, and he mentioned that there was a point where he was almost ready to suggest I switch to masters from phd. But he felt like I had more to give, and I did to. I can't being to describe the great feeling I got when I gave my presentation to my committee and their main comment was that they were impressed how much I had improved and learned in the last two years. Be patient, work hard, and I know you'll exceed even your own expectations!