4.29.2008

my big move

I’m composing this blog at 34,000 feet above ground, hovering somewhere over Chicago, between west and east, past and future. It’s incredible to think about how, exactly, I got here. For those who have known me for a while, it’s hard to believe that the girl who is embarking on this crazy journey is the same girl who, years ago, would find it an inconvenience to stand up for herself or her opinions. For those who were able to witness the transformation that took place over the past year, it is truly a testament to the kind of influence you have had on my life. Regardless of how long we’ve known each other, every person I have come across has played a huge role in this exciting time of my life.

For the last few months, I have increasingly become aware of how unhappy I am – or was, rather. After graduating, I worked for a few years, moved away from home, gained my independence, all in the hopes of finding, well, love. Love for myself, love for what I was doing with my life. But all my attempts were fruitless. I felt a lot of frustration, and I began to see it was because my head and my heart weren’t communicating. Always the accommodater, I spent so much time doing things for others because they told me it was the right thing for me. And as expected, the things I wanted for myself just disappeared.

I can’t pinpoint exactly who or what sparked the fire in me. I know that the time I spent in Italy certainly had a lot to do with it. I saw that there was so much beauty and experience to be had in the world, and I didn’t want to be left out of it. Then there are, of course, all the amazing people in my life. Those who have traveled the world and shared your experiences and lessons with those who are so fortunate to cross paths with you. Those who have taught me the importance of family and supporting the ones you love. Those who have shared your passion for whatever it is you love with me. And those who believed that I could actually do this.

Someone told me that when you follow your dreams, all the doors open. This experience has proven exactly that. All things considered, my move has been incredibly easy to manage. And I don’t feel like I’m leaving anything behind, really. Because, I guess, this is where my life was destined to lead me.

So here I am, hours away from the life I always dreamed of. I spent much of my last night in California alone in tears, with emotions coursing through me: nostalgia, fear, excitement, happiness, pride. I cannot wait to see what the months ahead have in store for me. Regardless of what happens – whether I come home by the end of the year or I set up shop in New York permanently as a performer – I know this decision was the right one to make.

Here’s to new beginnings.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Your blog made me cry. I'm going to miss you, even if I only saw you twice a year. I admire your courage and only wish I had as much. Keep the updates coming, remember to walk as tall as you possibly can and remember that if you every need anything, I'll be here for you friend.